Beyond Controloholism

-- A Twelve Step Approach --

Argue picture This section contains excerpts from "Letting Go...One Step at a Time" - a gentle 12 Step Guide to going Beyond Controloholism-- Manuscript - c 1990 Maynard and Leanne Dalderis

What is Controloholism?

Controloholism is simply our addiction to our solutions that we have sought to control our lives with. Controloholism is a desperate attempt to manage the world as we think it should be. It is a reliance on our solutions rather than seeking God's solutions.

Our Experience

People would come to us for consultation. Time and time again we saw that their problems stemmed from what they were trying to control. They came to us not wanting to give up control or management -- they came so we could tell them how to make their controls work better.

At first it was very frustrating to relate to these people without the Twelve Step Program. We could see how the Twelve Step Program worked in our lives, keeping us straight and sober. We saw the sanity and healing that the Program brought to us and yet people coming to us were not always alcoholics or drug users. They did not overwork or overeat. They weren't addicted to gambling or shopping. Yet, all their symptoms were the same as those of us in the A.A. Program. They too seemed to be addicted just as we were addicted. How did the Program relate to them?

Then we saw the connection. We were all addicted to control. Whether we abused substances or people, we were all addicted in one form or another to control. We were all "controloholics". The same 12 Step Program that worked for us, we found, could work on this addiction. And what greater addiction do we all share than controloholism? We might just be in the middle of an epidemic.

Atlas with world on his shoulders

Why do we wish to give up our controls? What lies "Beyond"?

We do not give up our controls in order to be without direction; we give up our controls in order to finally find the direction of a loving God.

We do not give up our controls in order to be at the mercy of everyone and everything. We give up our controls in order to see the safety in being connected with All Knowing and All Guidance.

We do not give up our controls in order to lose all sense of who we are; we give up our controls to finally find who we are and our tremendous connection with all those in our lives.

We do not give up our controls in order to lose; we give up our controls in order to gain a sense of freedom and release.

We do not give up our controls in order to lose our very survival; we give up our controls so that we may finally be given Life.

We do not give up our controls so that nothing gets done or accomplished; we give up our controls so that what is appropriate for all healing may be accomplished.

We do not give up our controls in order to become lost; we give up our controls in order to find our connection with All Life and All Being.

What is a Re - Solution?

Our Focus

Our focus is not to make each other feel bad with all the controls we may use -- our focus is release. Our focus is to go beyond those things that have controlled and blocked our growth. The point is, we wish to make room in our lives -- more room for Love, more room for Joy, more room for others, and more room for the Presence of a Higher Power.

In our admittance of controloholism we discover a Program that will lead us to recovery.

A Program of Recovery

Following the 12 Steps adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous we have been given a program of recovery. What do we do with this Program? We share this Program with others.
And what do we recover?

We recover our sanity.
We recover our strength.
We recover our peace of mind.
We recover laughter.
We recover our Source and
We recover Life and all the joy of living.

With the manuscript, "Letting Go ... One Step At a Time" we share the Steps of recovery and the gifts that come with recovery.
For a free questionnaire showing some of the things that control us click here to down load "h_ques.bin" and rename it to "QUES.WRI"

Let us recover life together.

Refer to the section on "Spiritual Seeker's Syndrome"

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